theFALSECOLLARtherewasonceafinegentleman，allofwhosemoveableswereaboot-jackandahair-comb：buthehadthefinestfalsecollarsintheworld；anditisaboutoneofthesecollarsthatwearenowtohearastory.Itwassoold，thatitbegantothinkofmarriage；andithappenedthatitcametobewashedincompanywithagarter.“Nay！”saidthecollar. “Ineverdidseeanythingsoslenderandsofine，sosoftandsoneat.MayInotaskyourname？”“ThatIshallnottellyou！”saidthegarter.“Wheredoyoulive？”askedthecollar.Butthegarterwassobashful，somodest，andthoughtitwasastrangequestiontoanswer.“Youarecertainlyagirdle，”saidthecollar； “thatistosayaninsidegirdle.Iseewellthatyouarebothforuseandornament，mydearyounglady.”“Iwillthankyounottospeaktome，”saidthegarter. “IthinkIhavenotgiventheleastoccasionforit.”“Yes！Whenoneisashandsomeasyou，”saidthecollar， “thatisoccasionenough.”“Dontcomesonearme，Ibegofyou！”saidthegarter. “Youlooksomuchlikethosemen-folks.”“Iamalsoafinegentleman，”saidthecollar. “Ihaveabootjackandahair-comb.”Butthatwasnottrue，foritwashismasterwhohadthem：butheboasted.“Dontcomesonearme，”saidthegarter： “Iamnotaccustomedtoit.”“Prude！”exclaimedthecollar；andthenitwastakenoutofthewashing-tub.Itwasstarched，hungoverthebackofachairinthesunshine，andwasthenlaidontheironing-blanket；thencamethewarmbox-iron. “Dearlady！”saidthecollar. “Dearwidow-lady！Ifeelquitehot.Iamquitechanged.Ibegintounfoldmyself.Youwillburnaholeinme.Oh！Iofferyoumyhand.”“Rag！”saidthebox-iron；andwentproudlyoverthecollar：forshefanciedshewasasteam-engine，thatwouldgoontherailroadanddrawthewaggons.“Rag！”saidthebox-iron.thecollarwasalittlejaggedattheedge，andsocamethelongscissorstocutoffthejaggedpart. “Oh！”saidthecollar. “Youarecertainlythefirstoperadancer.Howwellyoucanstretchyourlegsout！ItisthemostgracefulperformanceIhaveeverseen.Noonecanimitateyou.”“Iknowit，”saidthescissors.“Youdeservetobeabaroness，”saidthecollar. “AllthatIhaveisafinegentleman，aboot-jack，andahair-comb.IfIonlyhadthebarony！”“Doyouseekmyhand？”saidthescissors；forshewasangry；andwithoutmoreado，sheCUTHIM，andthenhewascondemned.“Ishallnowbeobligedtoaskthehair-comb.Itissurprisinghowwellyoupreserveyourteeth，Miss，”saidthecollar. “Haveyouneverthoughtofbeingbetrothed？”“Yes，ofcourse！youmaybesureofthat，”saidthehair-comb. “IAMbetrothedtotheboot-jack！”“Betrothed！”exclaimedthecollar.Nowtherewasnoothertocourt，andsohedespisedit.Alongtimepassedaway，thenthecollarcameintotheragchestatthepapermill；therewasalargecompanyofrags，thefinebythemselves，andthecoarsebythemselves，justasitshouldbe.Theyallhadmuchtosay，butthecollarthemost；forhewasarealboaster.“Ihavehadsuchanimmensenumberofsweethearts！”saidthecollar. “Icouldnotbeinpeace！Itistrue，Iwasalwaysafinestarched-upgentleman！Ihadbothaboot-jackandahair-comb，whichIneverused！Youshouldhaveseenmethen，youshouldhaveseenmewhenIlaydown！IshallneverforgetMYFIRSTLOVEshewasagirdle，sofine，sosoft，andsocharming，shethrewherselfintoatubofwaterformysake！Therewasalsoawidow，whobecameglowinghot，butIleftherstandingtillshegotblackagain；therewasalsothefirstoperadancer，shegavemethatcutwhichInowgowith，shewassoferocious！Myownhair-combwasinlovewithme，shelostallherteethfromtheheart-ache；yes，Ihavelivedtoseemuchofthatsortofthing；butIamextremelysorryforthegarterImeanthegirdlethatwentintothewater-tub.Ihavemuchonmyconscience，Iwanttobecomewhitepaper！”Anditbecameso，alltheragswereturnedintowhitepaper；butthecollarcametobejustthisverypieceofwhitepaperweheresee，andonwhichthestoryisprinted；andthatwasbecauseitboastedsoterriblyafterwardsofwhathadneverhappenedtoit.Itwouldbewellforustobeware，thatwemaynotactinasimilarmanner，forwecanneverknowifwemaynot，inthecourseoftime，alsocomeintotheragchest，andbemadeintowhitepaper，andthenhaveourwholelifeshistoryprintedonit，eventhemostsecret，andbeobligedtorunaboutandtellitourselves，justlikethiscollar.从前有一位漂亮的绅士；他所有的动产只是一个脱靴器和一把梳子。但他有一个世界上最好的衬衫领子。我们现在所要听到的就是关于这个领子的故事。衬衫领子的年纪已经很大，足够考虑结婚的问题。事又凑巧，他和袜带在一块儿混在水里洗。“我的天！”衬衫领子说，“我从来没有看到过这么苗条和细嫩、这么迷人和温柔的人儿。请问你尊姓大名？”“这个我可不能告诉你！”袜带说。“你府上在什么地方？”衬衫领子问。不过袜带是非常害羞的。要回答这样一个问题，她觉得非常困难。“我想你是一根腰带吧？”衬衫领子说“一种内衣的腰带！亲爱的小姐，我可以看出，你既有用，又可以做装饰品！”“你不应该跟我讲话！”袜带说。“我想，我没有给你任何理由这样做！”“咳，一个长得像你这样美丽的人儿，”衬衫领子说，“就是