Unit Two, Book Two,Communication Problems,What did you dream to become in your childhood? Who do you usually talk about when you get together with your intimate friends?,Introduction to Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus,Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a manual for loving relationships in the I990s. It reveals how men and women differ in all areas of their lives. Not only do men and women communicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different languages and needing different nourishment.,Throughout this book, the readers will learn practical techniques for solving the problems that arise from our differences. This book is not just a theoretical analysis of psychological differences but also a practical manual for how to succeed in creating loving relationships.,Martians,Martians value power, competency, efficiency, and achievement. They are always doing things to prove themselves and develop their power and skills. Their sense of self is defined through their ability to achieve results. They experience fulfillment primarily through success and accomplishment. Martians dont read magazines like Psychology Today, Self, or People. They are more concerned with outdoor activities, like hunt, fishing, and racing cars. They are interested in the news, weather, and sports and couldnt care less about romance novels and selfhelp books.,Martians,Talking about a problem on Mars is an invitation for advice. Another Martian feels honored by the opportunity. This Martian custom is one of the reasons men instinctively offer solutions when women talk about problems. When a woman innocently shares upset feelings or explores out loud the problems of her day, he wants to help her feel better by solving her problems. He wants to be useful to her.,On Venus, everyone studies psychology and has at least a masters degree in counseling. They are very involved in personal growth, spirituality, and everything that can nurture life, healing, and growth. Venus is covered with parks, organic gardens, shopping centers, and restaurants.,Venusians,Venusians,Venusians value love, communication, beauty, and relationships. They spend a lot of time supporting, helping, and nurturing one another. Their sense of self is defined through their feelings and the quality of their relationships. They experience fulfillment through sharing and relating.,Venusians enjoy wearing a different outfit every day, according to their feeling. Communication is of primary importance. To share their personal feelings is much more important than achieving goals and success.,Venusians,Case Study,Mary comes home from an exhausting day. She wants and needs to share her feelings about the day.,Case Study,She says, There is so much to do; I dont have any time for myself. Tom says, You should quit that job. You dont have to work so hard. Find something you like to do. Mary says, But I like my job. They just expect me to change everything at a moments notice. Tom says, Dont listen to them. Just do what you can do. Mary says, I am! I cant believe I completely forgot to call my aunt today.,Case Study,Tom says, Dont worry about it, shell understand. Mary says, Do you know what she is going through? She needs me. Tom says, You worry too much, thats why youre so unhappy. Mary angrily says, I am not always unhappy. Cant you just listen to me? Tom says, I am listening. Mary says, Why do I even bother?,Case Study,After this conversation, Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship. Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong. He wanted to help, but his problemsolving tactics didnt work. Without knowing about life on Venus, Tom didnt understand how important it was just to listen without offering solutions. His solutions only made things worse. You see, Venusians never offer solutions when someone is talking. A way of honoring another Venusian is to listen patiently with empathy, seeking truly to understand the others feelings.,Case Study,Mary says, There is so much to do. I have no time for me. Tom takes a deep breath, relaxes on the exhale, and says, Humph, sounds like you had a hard day. Mary says, They expect me to change everything at a moments notice. I dont know what to do. Tom pauses and then says, Hmmm. Mary says, I even forgot to call my aunt. Tom says with a slightly wrinkled brow, Oh, no.,Case Study,Mary says, She needs me so much right now. I feel so bad. Tom says, You are such a loving person. Come here, let me give you a hug. Tom gives Mary a hug and she relaxes in his arms with a big sigh of relief. She then says, I love talking with you. You make me really happy. Thanks for listening. I feel much better.,Case Study,Not only Mary but also Tom felt better. He was amazed at how much happier his wife was when he finally learned to listen. With this new awareness of their differen