The Glass MountainDonald Barthelme1. I was trying to climb the glass mountain. 2. The glass mountain stands at the corner of Thirteenth Street and Eighth Avenue. 3. I had attained the lower slope. 4. People were looking up at me. 5. I was new in the neighborhood. 6. Nevertheless I had acquaintances. 7. I had strapped climbing irons to my feet and each hand grasped sturdy plumbers friend. 8. I was 200 feet up. 9. The wind was bitter. 10. My acquaintances had gathered at the bottom of the mountain to offer encouragement. 11. Shithead. 12. Asshole. 13. Everyone in the city knows about the glass mountain. 14. People who live here tell stories about it. 15. It is pointed out to visitors. 16. Touching the side of the mountain, one feels coolness. 17. Peering into the mountain, one sees sparkling blue-white depths. 18. The mountain towers over that part of Eighth Avenue like some splendid, immense office building. 19. The top of the mountain vanishes into the clouds, or on cloudless days, into the sun. 20. I unstuck the righthand plumbers friend leaving the lefthand one in place. 21. Then I stretched out and reattached the righthand one a little higher up, after which I inched my legs into new positions. 22. The gain was minimal, not an arms length. 23. My acquaintances continued to comment. 24. Dumb motherfucker. 25. I was new in the neighborhood. 26. In the streets were many people with disturbed eyes. 27. Look for yourself. 28. In the streets were hundreds of young people shooting up in doorways, behind parked cars. 29. Older people walked dogs. 30. The sidewalks were full of dogshit in brilliant colors: ocher, umber, Mars yellow, sienna, viridian, ivory black, rose madder. 31. And someone had been apprehended cutting down trees, a row of elms broken-backed among the VWs and Valiants. 32. Done with a power saw, beyond a doubt. 33. I was new in the neighborhood yet I had accumulated acquaintances. 34. My acquaintances passed a brown bottle from hand to hand. 35. Better than a kick in the crotch. 36. Better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. 37. Better than a slap in the belly with a wet fish. 38. Better than a thump on the back with a stone. 39. Wont he make a splash when he falls, now? 40. I hope to be here to see it. Dip my handkerchief in the blood. 41. Fart-faced fool. 42. I unstuck the lefthand plumbers friend leaving the righthand one in place. 43. And reached out. 44. To climb the glass mountain, one first requires a good reason. 45. No one has ever climbed the mountain on behalf of science, or in search of celebrity, or because the mountain was a challenge. 46. Those are not good reasons. 47. But good reasons exist. 48. At the top of the mountain there is a castle of pure gold, and in a room in the castle tower sits. 49. My acquaintances were shouting at me. 50. Ten bucks you bust your ass in the next four minutes! 51. .a beautiful enchanted symbol. 52. I unstuck the righthand plumbers friend leaving the lefthand one in place. 53. And reached out. 54. It was cold there at 206 feet and when I looked down I was not encouraged. 55. A heap of corpses both of horses and riders ringed the bottom of the mountain, many dying men groaning there. 56. A weakening of the libidinous interest in reality has recently come to a close. (Anton Ehrenzweig)1 57. A few questions thronged into my mind. 58. Does one climb a glass mountain, at considerable personal discomfort, simply to disenchant a symbol? 59. Do todays stronger egos still need symbols? 60. I decided that the answer to these questions was yes. 61. Otherwise what was I doing there, 206 feet above the power-sawed elms, whose white meat I could see from my height? 62. The best way to fail to climb the mountain is to be a knight in full armor-one whose horses hoofs strike fiery sparks from the sides of the mountain. 63. The following-named knights had failed to climb the mountain and were groaning in the heap: Sir Giles Guilford, Sir Henry Lovell, Sir Albert Denny, Sir Nicholas Vaux, Sir Patrick Grifford, Sir Gisbourne Gower, Sir Thomas Grey, Sir Peter Coleville, Sir John Blunt, Sir Richard Vernon, Sir Walter Willoughby, Sir Stephen Spear, Sir Roger Faulconbridge, Sir Clarence Vaughan, Sir Hubert Ratcliffe, Sir james Tyrrel, Sir Walter Herbert, Sir Robert Brakenbury, Sir Lionel Beaufort, and many others.2 64. My acquaintances moved among the fallen knights. 65. My acquaintances moved among the fallen knights, collecting rings, wallets, pocket watches, ladies favors. 66. Calm reigns in the country, thanks to the confident wisdom of everyone. (M. Pompidou)3 67. The golden castle is guarded by a lean-headed eagle with blazing rubies for eyes. 68. I unstuck the lefthand plumbers friend, wondering if- 69. My acquaintances were prising out the gold teeth of not-yet dead knights. 70. In the streets were people concealing their calm behind a faade of vague dread. 71. The conventional symbol (such as the night