,With a giant tear in her eye, the little girl looked up at him. She forced a smile, saying“Thank you” and walked towards the door.Pappy thought of his daughter and said to the girl loudly, “How much have you got to spend?” Hearing this, the little girl counted money in her purse-two dollars. After thinking for a few seconds, Pappy said,“Today is Christmas Day and this is your lucky day. The bell costs two dollars.” The child went out, holding the special bell in her hand.,Grade the story,Later that evening when Pappy was closing up the shop, he heard a familiar ringing. He couldnt believe his ears. The girl stood in the doorway, ringing the bell happily. Then Pappy got close to her and asked, “Have you changed your mind, Miss?” “ No. My Momma says the present is for you.” said the child. Before Pappy had time to say another word, a young woman walked in. She said to Pappy, “Hello, Dad.”,How to polish your story?,proper conjunctions,abundant sentence patterns,advanced words and phrases,How to polish your words?,“小”心思丰满人物内心 Inner thoughts to portray the figures “小”词汇增加表达效果 Detailed verbs to make expressions powerful “小”细节丰富故事情节 Proper adv to enrich your story,Tip1：“小”心思丰满人物内心,悲伤,快乐,2016年10月高考作文 23分,Tip1：“小”心思丰满人物内心,震惊,2017年6月高考作文 23分,One day, the Brother, who had become a Monk, forced himself on the same road where he found accommodation years ago. He decided to visit the family. But the shabby cottage was nowhere to be found. He only found a splendid house. He thought the family might die. Suddenly, a man came out. The monk recognized him. It was the father of the family. So he asked, “ Have you lived here?”,Tip1：“小”心思丰满人物内心,One day, the Brother, who had become a Monk, forced himself on the same road where he found accommodation years ago. Driven by a sense of regret, he decided to visit the family. To his great surprise, the shabby cottage was nowhere to be found. He only found a splendid house. Upon thinking the family might have starved to death, he sighed with guilt. Suddenly, a man came out. The monk recognized him. It was the father of the family. So he asked, “ Have you lived here?”,Tip1：“小”心思丰满人物内心,Lets compare！, He decided to visit the family. But the shabby cottage was nowhere to be found. He only found a splendid house. He thought the family might die., Driven by a sense of regret, he decided to visit the family. To his great surprise, the shabby cottage was nowhere to be found. He only found a splendid house. Upon thinking the family might have starved to death, he sighed with guilt.,In conclusion，the description of inner thoughts can make our story more logical, reasonable, creative and powerful.,How to describe your inner feelings?,1. Feeling happy/sad/angry/guilty/depressed, 2. Driven by curiosity/a sense of regret/sympathy.或者是 Deeply touched/ moved by 3. ., full of regret/anger/fear/gratitude/sadness 4. To ones disappointment/surprise/delight/relief/ astonishment 5. in surprise/relief/anger 或者是with satisfaction/excitement(等于一个副词） 6. 具体的动作描写 stand frozen, jump with joy, tremble with anger, with tears filling ones eyes, with ones eyes wide open 等等,Lets have a try!,1. Pappy said to the girl, “How much have you got to spend?” Driven by a sense of sympathy, Pappy said to the girl, “How much have you got to spend?” 2. The child walked out, holding the special bell in her hands. The child went out with great joy, holding the special bell in her hands.,3. Then Pappy got close to her and asked, “Have you changed your mind, Miss?” Feeling puzzled, Pappy got close to her and asked, “Have you changed your mind, Miss?” 4. She said to Pappy, “Hello, Dad.” With tears filling her eyes, she said to Pappy cheerfully, “Hello, Dad.”,With a giant tear in her eye, the little girl looked up at him. She forced a smile, saying “Thank you” and walked towards the door.Pappy thought of his daughter . Driven by a sense of sympathy, Pappy said to the girl loudly, “How much have you got to spend?” Hearing this, the little girl counted money in her purse-two dollars. After thinking for a few seconds, Pappy said, “Today is Christmas Day and this is your lucky day. The bell costs two dollars.” The child went out with great joy, holding the special bell in her hand.,Later that evening when Pappy was closing up the shop, he heard a familiar ringing. He couldnt believe his ears. The girl stood in the doorway, ringing the bell happily. Feeling puzzled, Pappy got close to her and asked, “Have you changed your mind, Miss?” “ No. My Momma says the present is for you.” said the child. Before Pappy had time to say another word, a young woman walked in. Tears filling her eyes, she said to Pappy cheerfully, “Hello, Dad.”,Tip 2：“小”词汇增加表达效果,Brainstorming:,tell,say,whisper,murmur,speak,talk,cry out,shout,respond,reply,explain,scream,roar,announce,declare,yell,call out,The government _ a state of emergency. “Get out of my house!” The officer _. He _ something in his sleep. Seeing the film star, the fans _ with excitement. Asked why he was late, Alex _ that his car had broken down.,