为了适应公司新战略的发展，保障停车场安保新项目的正常、顺利开展，特制定安保从业人员的业务技能及个人素质的培训计划扣扣熊白宫演讲奥巴马XX白宫记者协会晚宴演讲稿中英文全文XX年5月3日，美国总统奥巴马在华盛顿希尔顿酒店出席一年一度的白宫记者协会晚宴，这是奥巴马第六次出席白宫记者协会晚宴。RemarksbythePresidentatWhiteHouseCorrespondentsDinner10:21EDTTHEPRESIDENT:Thankyousomuch,everybody.Haveaseat,haveaseat.BeforeIgetstarted,canwegetthenewpresidentialsetupouthere?(Aidesbringouttwoferns.)Itwasworkedbefore.(Laughterandapplause.)Thatsmorelikeit.Itisgreattobeback.Whatayear,huh?Iusuallystartthesedinnerswithafewself-deprecatingjokes.AftermystellarXX,whatcouldIpossiblytalkabout?(Laughter.)Iadmitit-lastyearwasrough.Sheesh.(Laughter.)Atonepointthingsgotsobad,the47percentcalledMittRomneytoapologize.(Laughter.)Ofcourse,werolledoutThatcouldhavegonebetter.(Laughter.)InXXmysloganwas,“YesWeCan.”InXXmysloganwas,“Control-Alt-Delete.”(Laughter.)Ontheplusside,theydidturnthelaunchofintooneoftheyearsbiggestmovies.(Laughter.)Butratherthandwellonthepast,Iwouldliketopivottothisdinner.Letswelcomeourheadlinerthisevening,JoelMcHale.(Applause.)On“Community,”Joelplaysapreening,self-obsessednarcissist.Sothisdinnermustbearealchangeofpaceforyou.(Laughter.)IwanttothanktheWhiteHouseCorrespondentsAssociationforhostingusheretonight.Iamhappytobehere,eventhoughIamalittlejet-laggedfrommytriptoMalaysia.ThelengthswehavetogotogetCNNcoveragethesedays.(Laughterandapplause.)Ithinktheyrestillsearchingfortheirtable.(Laughterandapplause.)MSNBCishere.Theyrealittleoverwhelmed.(Laughter.)Theyveneverseenanaudiencethisbigbefore.(Laughter.)But,look,everybodyistryingtokeepupwiththisincrediblyfast-changingmedialandscape.Forexample,IgotalotofgriefoncablenewsforpromotingObamacaretoyoungpeopleonBetweenTwoFerns.Butthatswhatyoungpeopleliketowatch.Andtobefair,Iamnotthefirstpersonontelevisionbetweentwopottedplants.(Laughterandapplause.)SometimesIdofeeldisrespectedbyyoureporters.Butthatsokay.SeattleSeahawkcornerbackRichardShermanisheretonight.(Applause.)Andhegavemesomegreattipsonhowtohandleit.JakeTapper,dontyouevertalkaboutmelikethat!(Laughter.)ImthebestPresidentinthegame!(Laughter.)Whatdoyouthink,Richard?Wasthatgood?Alittlemorefeelingnexttime?Whileweretalkingsports,justlastmonth,awonderfulstory-anAmericanwontheBostonMarathonforfirsttimein30years.(Applause.)Whichwasinspiringandonlyfair,sinceaKenyanhasbeenpresidentforthelastsix.(Laughterandapplause.)Hadtoeventhingsout.(Laughter.)Wehavesomeotherathletesheretonight,includingOlympicsnowboardinggoldmedalistJamieAndersonishere.Wereproudofher.(Applause.)Incrediblytalentedyounglady.MichelleandIwatchedtheOlympics-wecannotbelievewhatthesefolksdo-death-defyingfeats-haventseensomebodypulla“180”thatfastsinceRandPauldisinvitedthatNevadarancherfromthisdinner.(Laughter.)Asageneralrule,thingsdontlikeendwellifthesentencestarts,“LetmetellyousomethingIknowaboutthenegro.”(Laughter.)Youdontreallyneedtoheartherestofit.(Laughterandapplause.)Justatipforyou-dontstartyoursentencethatway.(Laughter.)SpeakingofRandPaul-(laughter)-Coloradolegalizedmarijuanathisyear,aninterestingsocialexperiment.Idohopeitdoesntleadtoawholelotofparanoidpeoplewhothinkthatthefederalgovernmentisouttogetthemandlisteningtotheirphonecalls.(Laughter.)Thatwouldbeaproblem.(Laughter.)Andspeakingofconservativeheroes,theKochbrothersboughtatableheretonight.Butasusual,theyusedashadowyright-wingorganizationasafront.Hello,FoxNews.(Laughterandapplause.)Imjustkidding.Letsfaceit,Fox,youllmissmewhenImgone.(Laughter.)ItwillbehardertoconvincetheAmericanpeoplethatHillarywasborninKenya.(Laughterandapplause.)Alotofusreallyareconcernedaboutthewaybigmoneyisinfluencingourpolitics.Iremember黄西在美国记者年会晚宴上的表演JoeWongatRTCADinnerXXWithChineseCommentary黄西是一名从中国大陆到美国的留学生，除了他专业的研究工作外，他还是最近美国新兴的一名脱口秀艺人。XX年，他因参加美国深夜节目收视率冠军的“大卫赖特曼秀”一炮而红。他独特的幽默方式在youtube上广受欢迎。本文是他在美国电台电视记者协会白宫年会上的表演片段。Goodevening,everyone.MynameisJoeWong.Buttomostpeople,IamknownasWho?LaughterHuisactuallymymothersmaidenname,Laughterandtheanswertomycreditcardsecurityquestion.Laughter各位晚上好，我是JoeWong。但是对很多人来说，听到我的名字，会问“谁”?，Who恰恰是我妈的娘家姓，也是我信用卡安全问题的答案。Butjokingaside,IjustwanttoreassureeverybodythatIaminvitedheretonight.Laughter但是玩笑归玩笑，我想让大家放心我今晚的确是受到邀请来的。IgrewupinChina.Whowouldnt?Laughter我在中国长大。谁不是呢？Asmychildhoodmemoriesaretotallyruinedbymychildhood.LaughterWhenIwasinelementaryschool,aspartofthecurriculum,Ihavetoworkedataricepaddy,rightnexttoaquarrywheretheyuseexplosivestobreakrocks.AndthatiswhereIlearnedthatlighttravelsfasterthansound,Laughterwhichisalmostasslowasaflyingrock.Laughter而我童年的所有记忆都被我的童年给毁了。读小学的时候，作为课程的一部分，我要去稻田里劳动，稻田的旁边是一个采石场，他们用炸药炸石头。也就是在那里，我知道了光的传播速度要比声音快，而声音的速度就和石头飞的速度差不多慢。Mydadwasagrumpyguy,butoccasionallyhewouldtriedtocheermeupwithjokes.Buthedoesntdoitright.WhenIwasseven,onedayhesaidtome,Hi,son,whyistofubetterthancentralizedsocialisteconomy?LaughterSo,fiveminuteslater,Isaid,Why?LaughterHesaid,BecauseIsaidso!Laughter我爸爸是个脾气很怪的人，但偶