Example 1Suppose youve been having trouble with your eyes and you decide to go to an optometrist (验光师，配镜师)for help. After briefly listening to your complaint, he takes off his glasses and hands them to you.“Put these on,” he says. “Ive worn this pair of glasses for ten years now and theyve really helped me. I have an extra pair at home; you can wear these.”So you put them on, but it only makes the problem worse. “This is terrible!” you exclaim. “I cant see a thing!”“Well, whats wrong?” he asks. “They work great for me. Try harder.”“Im trying,” you insist. “Everything is a blur.”“Are you ungrateful!” he chides. “And after all Ive done to help you!”Example 2美国著名企业家玫琳凯曾因男同事的歧视而备受困扰，在第一次参加优秀人员颁奖大会时，她激动起来并立志成为“销售女王”。受到大会鼓舞，她走到总裁弗兰克面前，告诉他她要成为最好的销售代表，弗兰克的回答出乎意料，“他抓住我的手，紧紧握住几分钟，然后坚定地看着我的双眼，说你知道，我认为你可以。”据玫琳凯自己说，弗兰克的话改变了她的一生。I just said to the man, “let me see if I really understand what your position is and what your concerns about my recommendations really are. When you feel I understand them, then well see whether my proposal has any relevance or not.I really tried to put myself in his shoes. I tried to verbalize his needs and concerns, and he began to open up.The more I sensed and expressed the things he was worried about, the results he anticipated, the more he opened up. Then I got the deal.Example 3Lets take a look at what well might be a typical communication between a father and his teenage son. 1) Look at the fathers words in terms of the four different responses just described. 2) Look more carefully at the son-not just his words, but his thoughts and feelings and the possible effects of some of his dads autobiographical responses.“Boy, Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!”“Whats the matter, son?“its totally impractical. I dont get a thing out of it.”“Well, you just cant see the benefits yet, son. I felt the same way when I was your age. I remember thinking what a waste some of the classes were. But those classes turned out to be the most helpful to me later on. Just hang in there. Give it some time.”“Ive given it ten years of my life! Can you tell me what good “x plus y” is going to be to me as an auto mechanic?”“An auto mechanic? Youve got to be kidding.”“No, Im not. Look at Joe. Hes quit school. Hes working on cars. And hes making lots of money. Now thats practical.”“IT may look that way now. but several years down the road, Joes going to wish hed stayed in school. You dont want to be an auto mechanic. You need an education to prepare you for something better than that.”“I dont know. Joes got a pretty good set up.”“look, son, have you really tried?”“Ive been in high school two years now. Sure Ive tried. Its just a waste.”“Thats a highly respected school, Son. Give them a little credit.”“Well, the other guys feel the same way I do.”“Do you realize how many sacrifices your mother and I have made to get you where you are? You cant quit when youve come this far.”“I know youve sacrificed, Dad. But its just not worth it.”“Look, maybe if you spent more time doing your homework and less time in front of TV”“Look, Dad. Its just no good. Oh never mind! I dont want to talk about this anyway.”Example 4“Boy, Dad, Ive had it! School is for the birds!”“Youre really frustrated about school.” “I sure am. Its totally impractical. Im not getting a thing out of it.”“You feel like schools not doing you any good.”“Well, yeah. Im just not learning anything thats going to help me. I mean, look at Joe. Hes dropped out of school and hes working on cars. Hes making money. Now thats practical.”“You feel that Joe really has the right idea.”“Well, I guess he does in a way. He is really making money now. but in a few years, I bet hell probably be ticked off at himself.”“You think Joes going to feel he made the wrong decision.”“Hes got to. Just look at what hes giving up. I mean, if you dont have an education, you just cant make it in this world.”“Education is really important.”“Oh, yeah. I mean, if you dont have a diploma, if you cant get jobs or go to college, what are you going to do? Youve just got to get an education.”“Its important to your future.”“It is. And you know what? Im really worried. Listen, you wont tell Mom, will you?”“You dont want your mother to find out.”“Well, not really. Oh, I guess you can tell her. Shell probably find out anyway.”