Unit 5The Tapestry of FriendshipEllen Goodman1It was, in many ways, a slight movie. Nothing actually happened. There wasno big-budgetchase scene,no bloodyshoot-out.Thestoryended withoutanycosmic conclusions.2Yet she foundClaudiaWeillfilmsGirlfriendgentle andaffecting. Slowly,itpannedacrossthetapestryof friendship showingitsfragility,its resiliency,itsrole as the connecting tissue between the lives of two young women.3Whenitwasover,she thoughtaboutthe moviesshe hadseenthisyearJulia ， The Turning Pointand nowGirlfriends. It seemed that the peculiar eye, thesocial lens of the cinema, had drastically shifted its focus. Suddenly the Male Buddymovies had been replaced by the Female Friendship flicks.4This wasn t just another binge of trendiness, but a kind of cinemavrit.Foronce the movies were reflecting a shift, not just from men to women but from onedefinition of friendship to another.5Across millions of miles of celluloid, the ideal of friendship had always beenmale a world of sidekicks and“ partners” of Butch Cassidys and Sundance Kids.There had been something almost atavistic about these visions of attachments asif producers culled their plots from some pop anthropology book on male bonding.Movies portrayed the idea that only men, those direct descendants of hunters andHemingways, inherited a primal capacity for friendship. In contrast, they portrayedwomen picking on each other, the way they once picked berries.6Well, that duality must have been mortally wounded in some shootout at theYou reOK,I mOKCorral.Now,onthe screen,they were at least awareof thesubtle distinction between men and women as buddies and friends.7About150 years ago, Coleridgehad written,“ Awoman s friendshipbordersmore closely on love than man s. Men affect each other in the reflection of noble orfriendlyacts, whilstwomenask fewerproofs and moresignsand expressionsofattachment.”8Well, she thought, on the whole, men had buddies, while women had friends.Buddiesbonded,but friendsloved. Buddiesfacedadversitytogether,butfriendsfacedeachother.Therewas somethingpalpablydifferentinthewaytheyspenttheir time. Buddies seemed to“ do” things together; friends simplyther. “ were ” toge9Buddies came linked, like accessories, to one activity or another. People havegolfbuddiesand businessbuddies,college buddiesand club buddies.Menoftenkeep theirbuddiesin these categories,whilewomenkeep a specialcategoryforfriends.10A manoncetoldher thatmenweren treal buddiesuntiltheyhad been“ through the wars” togethercorporate or athletic or military. They had to soldiertogether,he said. Women,onthe otherhand,didn countthemselvesas friendsuntil they had shared three loathsome confidences.11Buddies hang tough together; friends hang onto each other.12Itprobablyhad somethingto dowithpride. You donshowtofftoa friend;you show need. Buddies try to keep the worst from each other; friends confess it.13A friend of hers once telephoned her lover, just to find out if he was home. Shehungup withoutahellowhenhepickedupthe phone.Later,wretchedwithembarrassment,thefriendmoaned,“ Canyoubelieve me?A thirty -five-year-oldlawyer, making a chicken call?” Together they laughed and made it better.14Buddies seek approval. But friends seek acceptance.15She knewso manymenwhohadbeentrainedinrestraint,afraidofeachotherjudgmentsorawkwardwitheachotheraffections.She wasn tsure which.Like buddies in the movies, they would die for each other, but never hug each other.16ShehadrereadBabbittrecently,thatextraordinarycatalogueofmalegrievances.Theonlyrelationshipthatgave meaningtotheclaustrophobiclifeofGeorgeBabbitthadbeenwithPaulRiesling.But notoncein the tragedyoftheirlives had one been able to say to the other: You make a difference.17Even now men shocked her at times with their description of friendship. Doesthisonehavea bestfriend?“ Why, ofcourse,we see each other everyFebruary.”Does that one call his most intimate pal long distance?“ Why, certainly, wheneverthereas realreason. ”Dothosetwooldc