118 The One With All The Poker(The whole gang is helping Rachel mail out resumes while whistling the theme from The Bridge on the River Kwai.)Ross: Uh, Rach, were running low on resumes over here.Monica: Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?Chandler: Well, if youre gonna work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.Rachel: Hey, look, you guys, Im going for anything here, OK? I cannot be a waitress anymore, I mean it. Im sick of the lousy tips, Im sick of being called Excuse me.Ross: Rach, did you proofread these?Rachel: Uh. yeah, why?Ross: Uh, nothing, Im sure theyll be impressed with your excellent compuper skills.Rachel: (upset) Oh my Goood! Oh, do you think its on all of them?Joey: Oh no, Im sure the Xerox machine caught a few.Opening CreditsScene: Central Perk, Ross and Chandler are sitting at a table. Rachel is working. Monica and Phoebe enter.Monica: Hey, guys.Chandler and Ross: Hey.Rachel: Hey. hi, ladies. uh, can I get you anything? (to Monica, quietly): Did you bring the mail?Monica: Lots of responses.Rachel: (to Monica): Really? (out loud): Sure, we have scones left! (to Monica): OK, read them to me.Phoebe: (reading): Dear Ms. Green, thank you for your inquiry, however. oh. (crumples up letter)Rachel: (out loud): We have apple cinnamon.Monica: (reading): OK. Dear Ms. Green. yeah. yeah. yeah. No. (crumpes up letter)Phoebe: Wow!Rachel: What?Phoebe: (reading): Your Visa bill is huge!Rachel: (grabs the bill) Give me that!(Camera cuts to Chandler and Ross at table.)Chandler: You know, I cant believe you. Linda is so great! Why wont you go out with her again?Ross: I dont know.Chandler: Is this still about her whole The Flintstones couldve really happened thing?Ross: No, its not just that. Its justI want someone who. who does something for me, yknow? Who gets my heart pounding, who. who makes me, uh. (begins to stare lovingly at Rachel)Chandler: .little playthings with yarn?Ross: What?Chandler: Could you want her more?Ross: Who?Chandler: (sarcastically) Dee, the sarcastic sister from Whats Happening.Ross: Look, I am totally, totally over her, OK, I just. (Rachel comes over, Ross lays head on table): Hiiii!Rachel: Hi! How are you?Ross: Were fine, were fine.Rachel: OK. (walks away) (Ross keeps staring at her, head on table. Chandler smacks him with a newspaper. Joey enters, Ross and Chandler laugh at him.)Joey: Shut up!Chandler: Were notwere not saying anything.Phoebe: What?Ross: Uhhhh. Joey cried last night.Joey: Thank you.Chandler: (to the girls) We were playing poker, alright.Joey: There was chocolate on the three. It looked like an eight, alright?Ross: Oh, guys, you shouldve seen him. Read em and weep.Chandler: And then he did.Rachel: Well, now, how come you guys have never played poker with us?Phoebe: Yeah, what is that? Like, some kind of guy thing? Like, some kind of sexist guy thing? Like its poker, so only guys can play?Ross: No, women are welcome to play.Phoebe: Oh, OK, so then what is it? Some kind of. you know, like, like. some kind of, yknow, like. alright, what is it?Chandler: There just dont happen to be any women in our games.Joey: Yeah, we just dont happen to know any women that know how to play poker.Girls: Oh, yeah, right.Monica: Oh, please, that is such a lame excuse!Rachel: Really.Monica: I mean, thats a typical guy response.Ross: Excuse me, do any of you know how to play?Girls: No.Rachel: But you could teach us.Guys: No.Scene: Monica and Rachels, the guys are teaching the girls how to play poker.Chandler: (teaching) OK, so now we draw cards.Monica: So I wouldnt need any, right? Cause I have a straight.Rachel: Oh, good for you!Phoebe: Congratulations!(Microwave timer goes off. Monica gets up.)Chandler: OK Phoebs, how many do you want?Phoebe: OK, I just need two. the, um, ten of spades and the six of clubs.Ross: No. No, uh, Phoebs? You cantyou cant do.Rachel: Oh wait, I have the ten of spades! Here! (gives it to Phoebe)Ross: No, no. Uh. no, see, uh, you-you cant do that.Rachel: Oh, no-no-no-no-no-no, thats OK, I dont need them. Im going for fours.Ross: Oh, youre. (gives up)(Monica comes back to the table with plates of food.)Monica: Alright, here we go. Weve got salmon roulettes and assorted crudites.Phoebe and Rachel: OOooooo!Joey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Monica, whatre you doin? This is a poker game. You cant serve food with more than one syllable. Its gotta be like chips, or dip, or pretz.(look of realization)Chandler: (changing subject) OK, so at this point, the dealer.Monica: Alright, you know, we got it, we got it. Lets play for real. High stakes. big bucks.Ross: Alright, now, you sure? Phoebe just threw away two jacks because they didnt look happy.Phoebe: But. Im ready, so, just deal