905 The One With Phoebes Birthday DinnerSCENE: Central Perk.Phoebe: Oh hey you guys, I couldnt get a reservation for the night of my birthday, so we have to do dinner Thursday night instead.Joey: Thursday? But thats Halloween.Phoebe: So?Joey: So spooky, thats all.Ross: So, so, is Mike coming to dinner?Phoebe: No! Its my first birthday with a boyfriend, and he has to work. Ugh, I get mad at him, but I think its a little to soon to show my true colors.Rachel: Pheebs, I would make a reservation for five, because one of us has to stay home and watch Emma. (To Ross) Which one of us should go to dinner?Phoebe: Oh, Rachel! (As in Rachel should go!)Ross: Actually, um, I was thinking maybe both of us could go.Phoebe: Oh, yay! (Less than enthusiastic.)Ross: Thanks, Ill put a lot of extra thought into your gift.Phoebe: Alright, okay, so we can all go now. Thats fun. Hey, you know what? We all havent been together, the six of us, in such a long time.Monica: What are you talking about? Were all together right now.Rachel: Um, Mon, Chandlers not here.Monica: Oh, dear God!Opening CreditsSCENE: Tulsa, a conference roomChandler: Good morning everyone, its nice to see our team together for the first time. Now, before we get started, are there any questions? Yes, Ken is it?Ken: Thats right. Is it true the reason youre here in Tulsa is that you fell asleep in a meeting and took the job without realizing what you were saying yes to?Chandler: Well, dont believe everything you hear, Ken. But yeah, thats true. Alright, lets get started by taking a look at last quarters figures. (Claudia, next to Chandler, lights a cigarette.) Ah, Claudia, arent you supposed to blow smoke up the bosses ass?Claudia: Im sorry. Does the smoke bother you?Chandler: No, no, no-no-no. I smoked for years, then I quit. Right now, I cant remember why. Youre not allowed to smoke in this office. Not right?Claudia: Yes, in Oklahoma its legal to smoke in offices with fifteen people or less. Would you like one?Chandler: Alright, look. I dont smoke anymore. But if the rest of you want to light up, go ahead, its fine. (Everyone lights up.) So you all smoke then? Thats almost rude, that Im not.Ken: Thats not true. If you dont wanna smoke .Chandler: (loud) Ken, please! No, I cant, I cant smoke. If I smoke, my wife would kill me.Ken: Im sorry, but isnt your wife back in New York?Chandler: I always liked you, Ken. (Takes a cig)SCENE: Moncia and Chandlers.Knock at door.Phoebe: (from outside) Trick or treat!Monica: (opening the door) Hey!Phoebe: Ooh, and treat it is. (Looks at Monicas exposed cleavage.)Monica: Hmhmm. (Closes robe)Phoebe: Wow, so glad I changed. Almost wore my threadbare robe that cant contain my breasts.Monica: This is not, what Im wearing. Im ovulating and Chandlers gonna be home any minute, so I thought we would try before dinner.Phoebe: Ohh. Oh wait! (Jis) you guys wont be late for my dinner, will you?Monica: Believe me, Chandler and I have not seen each other in over a week. Well probably be the first ones there.Phoebe: kay, see you there. Happy humping! (outside, meets Chandler.) Hey.hey! (Sniffs) Oh, wow, somebody smoked out here? Oh my god, dont people know, youre not allowed to smoke in public spaces?Chandler: Actually, in Oklahoma smoking is legal in all common areas and offices with fewer than fifteen people.Phoebe: You smoked!Chandler: No! I just happen to know a lot of trivia about smoking in different states. For example, in Hawaii cigarettes are called leihalalokos.Phoebe: (Sniffs him) Chandler, you stink of cigarettes.Chandler: Ah, do you think, Monicas gonna be able smell it?Phoebe: Are you kidding? The woman has the nose of a bloodhound . and the breasts of a great goddess. (Has odd smile.)Chandler: Pheebs?Phoebe: (embarrassed) Im gonna go.Chandler: (Enters. Talking to self) Okay, something to cover the smell . Oven cleaner! (sprays himself, reads label) Unscented!Monica: (from bedroom doorway) Welcome home. Ive missed you. Join me in the bedroom?Chandler: No thanks, Im good.Monica: (comes over) OK, so you wanna play it that way, do you?Chandler: (shrinks back) Right. You know what? Actually I just got off the plane, so Im feeling kinda gross. Maybe I should just take a shower.Monica: You dont need a shower.Chandler: (backs away) Alright, the truth is, I soiled myself during some turbulences.Monica: What do I smell? (sniffs him) I smell smoke. Hon, did you smoke?Chandler: Yes, but I just had one. Two. Two tiny cigarettes. Okay, five. A pack. Two packs.a.a carton. Three big fat cartons in two days. But its over, I made a decision, Im not gonna smoke anymore.Monica: (Finds a pack inhis jacket)Chandler: But, those are for you.SCENE: Ross and Rachels.Ross: (On phone.) Alright, well just, uh, see you when you get here. Bye. (Hangs up) Huh, that was my